yup

Today is about me.  It's about avoiding people, about staring into space,  about not telling him what's wrong,  about doesn't want to be a choice to anyone,  about letting myself to look as spacey as I am on the inside. It's about all the things that crossed my mind,  all the things that are proven to be right. & about jealousy. About feeling in vain. About this back pain. About not liking people. About listening to people making excuses when I already know the truth. About being the second one. About being sick. About singing the song that means something to you,  to someone that means something to you.  & not getting any response. About breaking the promises I made. About menjauhkan diri. Sigh. About refusing to be as nice anymore.  About bursting out with anger. About refusing to tolerate. About keeping just one, or two, friends near. About being bad. About being alone - or not disturbed. About wanti...

Nice handwriting. Galaxies on my thigh. Making up after a fight. Putting the same song on repeat; non-stopping. Don't say that. You're not hideous. You're nice. Not going to class. I wanna stay in bed all day Cancelled lectures - Then comes. Long sharp nails. Scratched the skin below my ear Bruises, beautiful. Blue & purple & red Write a poem about you, sayang. Cried last night. 'cause kaki sakit. & it's cold. & you're not there. Your warmth I know a place Can we go? We can go together & you can take care of me all you want

It was raining outside, hard, masa benda tu berlaku. aku tak pernah imagine yang dia akan tahu perkara tu malam ni Aku tak pernah imagine dia akan tahu, sekurangnya, bukan secepat ni. It was raining outside, hard, masa dia tanya aku betul ke tak apa yang dia teka. suara aku tiba-tiba tak reti jadi suara tiba-tiba cease to exist dan akhirnya aku pun mengaku  ya betul. mestilah, ini realiti.  aku tak dapat happy ending tapi dengan tidak perlu lagi rahsiakan apa aku sering sorokkan macam satu rasa ringan pula  lagipun kami berjanji akan kawan macam biasa aku kata, tak, taknak, aku nak kita kawan sama macam hari ni after saying sorry beribu kali for letting what happened happen, dia setuju.  aku just lega aku tak hilang kawan aku. aku just lega dia tahu perasaan aku. Aku just happy aku tak hilang kawan aku.

6:22 am 9th January 2014 "aku agak pasal perasaan"  "Oh  perasaan apa?" "perasaan suka?  aku teka je.."

is it just me or everyone else pun selalu type "tah pape" be "tah papae"?

"Sepanjang hari ni, aku fikir pasal curang. Bukan pasal  lelaki milik aku yang curang.  Tapi aku yang jadi perempuan  yang buat orang curang.  T api aku fikir pula, macam mana  kalau perempuan lelaki tu yang tak sayang lelaki tu.  Sampai lelaki tu seek peneman in other girl,  And kau pula tak boleh halang daripada terjatuh." 27 DEC

satu malam yang panjang satu malam yang susah susah gila aku ingat aku takkan bangun dah pagi ni

: why are you sad : idk maybe it's the rain, i miss it maybe because i slept for one hour last night and gotten up all day til now maybe i'm just tired it's that movie that cancer movie it's my dad  aku salah beli benda, dia meradang maybe it's just  it's Asil i was worried about her as she didn't return my calls i thought dia tak balik rumah lagi it's 10pm and when she called dia cakap itu je? idk why i'm sad but now that  it runs down my cheek i'm feeling better 

sekarang tengah naik Rasa dia manis macam .. tapi Pengalaman bisik kat aku "Masa kau jatuh nanti, macam mana ?" Counter.

what you say to a person and what you say to another person :)

Why do we keep wanting people who makes us feel like nothing?

at 4 am "hey i cant sleep my rommmate's not here i cant sleep - alone but aku penat sangat seharian ni trust me aku penat sangat i wanna sleep but keep terlelap and terbangun and feeling scared plus the cold it ends up buat aku sedih aku penat sangat"

and hey Bad days?? urm they dont last.

Apa je yang penting? yang perlu sangat untuk aku tulis kat sini? that our friendship lasts, sampai hari ni? yes, itu penting. 2011-now. yang aku dah boleh slowly live while not being too... asyik dengan dia. crush. yes. itu bizzare. itu buat aku happy. yang finally aku rasa happy studying., everyday going to class, semua semua.  yes. aku nak score sikit sem ni. yang everything dah jadi SANGAT lain. TAK ADA APA yang menjadi rutin. Setiap 4 bulan, perkara tak pernah sama. I'm glad. Sebab aku suka. Tapi it makes me terrified to know what's gonna come. tapi it's okay. semua okay, under control. Too terrified tapi so excited. Aku berserah je, aku tahu future sangat unpredictable. aku wish it's gonna be.. nice and uprising and positive and kebabom and fireworks. and kesusahan menjadi engineer too. aku nak rasa jadi engineer kut. aku dah angkat tangan. aku surrender, bukan aku tak nak control future sendiri tapi rasa semua benda happens so fast, aku k...

birthday

this is a part of someone's blog post. i like it. you go girl. now playing Fergie / Glamorous

disebabkan aku kecewa dengan yang lagi satu aku rasa aku nak kembali kat kau balik aku pun romanticize perkara-perkara pasal kau supaya aku find you lovely again

still, idk what happened idk what im doing

idk what happened idk what im doing

Cinta atau apa kau fikir cinta Rasa dia sangat mengagumkan. Kau macam tak waras. Macam dadah.  Macam elektrik. Kau tak berpijak di dunia benar. Seakan terbang. Adrenaline, seakan. euphoria. Bunga-bunga. Warna ceria. Manis.  Manis. Semuanya manis. Indah, semua jadi okay. Tinggi. Kau macam high on life. Khayal. Gila. Sugar. Intense. Kemudian. Page sebelah. Bila kau found out kau actually nothing to him. Blank. Hitam. Meledak. Gelap. BABI LA SIAL.