yup

Aku rasa aku nak mati. And lepas 'mati' tu, ‘aku’ akan hidup dalam loop of memories macam mana     kita     hidup selama ni sama-sama.  Just anything and everything yang kita buat sama-sama. It's the simplest thing. Makan kat Khulafa time tengahhari. Makan kat Seksyen 6. Duduk sama-sama. Pilih meja. Order air. And saya akan stare kat muka awak. Then kita sembang. Pasal macam-macam. Rindu pergi kedai runcit awak. Beli air mineral awak. Just the simplest things yang kita buat. Saya rindu. Dan saya sakit. Hati saya. So saya wish saya 'mati'. Dan kekal hidup dalam memori tu. Hidup macam tu. Everyday. Dengan awak. On loop. Then bila malam mungkin kita pergi makan icity. Or pecal lele. Dua-dua saya tak suka sangat. Tapi sebab dengan awak. Saya nak sangat semua tu sekarang. Then on the way balik. Saya peluk awak. Dan tak pernah risau tentang kehilangan semua tu masa tu. Padahal sekarang... Aku tak tau kenapa hari ni. SUMPAH. s...

4.30am 1 January 2019 Happy new year 2019 Although things didn’t go as planned for tonight for new year celebration, Yet aku tak rasa .. like aku lose something or rugi or apa apa Unlike when i was 15 or so, always rasa for new year you have to be somewhere cool under the fireworks. Now i just need to be beside someone worthy And we can spend our new years eve doing laundry kat dobi Watching fireworks from afar. Rolled the window down, snapped a few blurry low quality pics of the beautiful fire painting in the sky of 2019 And i do feel old. Nope aku probably have nothing ‘deep’ to write tonight

3 AM  28 December 2019 Aku pernah ada zaman gelap. Like, semua pernah kan, lol. But masa tu, aku tak tau apa sebenarnya masalah aku.  Aku cuma tau, hidup aku macam in a blurred vision, in low dim lights, feeling lonely in a crowd. Kaki rasa berat untuk jalan and always dragged to go anywhere, feeling so hard to get out of bed, prefer only 1 or no company, muka pucat, always wear black cause i don’t want attention, always on my earphones and my songs (my savior), feeling more things deeply, even the tiny ones, suka jalan sendiri and feel every second of it alone,   like I'm walking in my own world, plus being heartbroken and longing for a boy yang belum decide anything about everything about him.  The most crushed crush i ever had. Hes always unsure. Always null. Always tak ada jawapan. Always blurred vision. Having to study apa yang aku loath to. Dengan mak ayah aku yang tak pernah ada mentally or emotionally. Only financially and physically. No...

I remember saying I'll kill anyone who hurt you But I didn't know that I can't protect you ..from me. I am sorry I hurt you so badly

Hari ni aku beli 1 bracelet kat uptown shah alam. Aku panggil candy bracelet sebab warna dia macam candies. Color dia lite, blended warna warni. Dengan memakai bracelet ni, aku harap hidup aku jadi warna warni macam bracelet ni. Aku selalu sangat pakai warna hitam, even masa aku beli bracelet tu td, dari tudung sampai ke selipar semua warna hitam -_- Semoga bracelet ni selalu ingatkan aku yang hidup ialah berwarna warni dan 'lite'. Kerana sekarang aku rasa hidup sangat susah, aku rasa masa depan macam..kabur. Haha. Aku banyak rasa takut dan aku banyak buat salah. Aku banyak ambil dari hidup, tapi tak pernah nak memberi. Aku sedar pilihan makin sikit. Kadang2 tak ada pilihan langsung. Aku kurang bercakap, bila bercakap, complain pula. Asyik menyuruh. Tak pernah memaafkan. Berlembut pun takmau. Aku harap bracelet ni selalu ingatkan aku untuk lebih berlembut. And ingatkan aku yang life is good. Sebab by day aku rasa aku lose more and more pada hidup. 7 Jan 2017 3am

How do I unlove you

They came in flashes The places we went with us in it The things we do Your smile Those endless road at night and the street lights I couldn't stop crying It made me cry It made me lose my mind I lost my freaking mind Only you can fix me Take me I'll do whatever you want me to 6pm 17 Oct

I can't breathe Cant open my eyes I can't stop crying my heart out I wanted to stop the time I wanted to be with you I wish you were here You need to be here 2am 17 Oct

Aku nak terus menerus kekal hidup dibawah deruan nafas kau Mendengar degupan jantung kau Gema suara kau Sentuhan kau Dan pelukan kau Tempat aku rasa paling selamat Tempat aku tak mahu tinggalkan Tapi aku sentiasa harus tinggalkan 11pm 15 Oct 2016

Drugs Explosion Star struck high endless dream perfect infinite forever love heart soul mate Best friends partners in crime Completes Happiness Him Found mine And we're crazy Escape reality Fun Game Wild Wheels Night Empty roads

Diseases in ur hearts due to the things that we crave and desired but we dont get Plain frustration Untuk sesuaikan hati yang expect tinggi dengan realiti yang biasa. Sometimes aku rasa aku ni extremist yang trapped dalam badan yang kena act normal Maybe that's the function of akal. To keep you.. To act sane. I'm so sick of this world. Just like it is to me. This is not okay. We living inside our body and the one inside our mind. How to make em match? I'm becoming crazy Idam berdiri di tempat tinggi sangat Nanti jatuh. Turning crazy.

I don't have a life Aku xsuka hidup aku Aku xsuka aku Aku x bersyukur Aku wish aku x hidup Aku wish aku stop hidup Aku xnk gerak Aku nak duduk setempat Sampai reput Then mati I don't have a heart Aku pendosa Tuhan sayang aku Aku xda jiwa Kalau aku mati Semua ni akan stop Bila aku tak wujud Dunia akan jd lebih baik Fuck everything

Thank you For finally jumping into my life a few years ago And for texting me that day that led to this thing we have here today And to text me every morning now and be the last one I think of everyday before going to sleep Also for teman me. Basically for teman me for life. You got me singing like an idiot everyday Well, almost every day. You got me dancing You got me writing short and long poems of what I call love You got me wanting to dress up a lil now before going to class To put on some brighter colors (because I feel like it) To put on that cheap perfume I bought You got me singing and whistling to.. breakup songs Even though I call it "I'm the one taking you places", but really it's actually you who are taking me These new places, damn. I felt so free, and with you by my side all the while, yeah. It felt awesome. Goodnight (It's that day when we go straight up melantak nasi kukus tutti frutti and subway) yes just reminding you. 4am 16 M...

Too happy that I turned sad Today sangat sempurna. Setiap saat nya. Today kita keluar daripada pukul 2 petang and baru balik pukul 12am tadi. Aku sangat happy. Aku masih mahu berada di sebelah kau, dalam angin malam bawah lampu jalan tu. Driving endlessly. I'm too happy that I turned sad. These teardrops are begging you to come here and stay beside me. With you I feel like I can conquer the world. It's like I have the whole world with me. It's like, you're my world. Today, tonight, it was extra special. We have Hajar with us. It's all fun. It's all about bright lights and about stolen touches on your shoulders. It's all about that town. About crossing the streets. It's the passion in your eyes when we arrived at the Rugby match. It's the safe feeling when I'm with you. It's the happy atmosphere you have. I overdosed. I need it more. Please be here now and stay. Like, don't even move. Missing you.. 2am 12 May 2016

"Thanks for this. This is the "fullest" relationship I've ever experienced Before, they're all like puppy love With you.. It's.. I'm so happy right now.. " And I didn't say anything I just want to hear more ❤ 6am 7 May 2016

I'm too tired Aku tak daya 3am 1 may 2016

Today I wish I can suffer in silent I just hope that you won't change This sweetness and craziness and frenziness I hate when you talk to the girls I hate to see you smile to em To hear you laugh during talking to em Those things, are fucking mine Fucking mine. Will you turn away? One day when you've got all of me When you've known everything about me and my skins Will you change If you do I don't know what to do with life I'll just pretend that it didn't hurt Like I always do But maybe I'll die You sitting over there Have no idea you're all I think about 28 April 2016

Aku merasakan aku masih berada dalam kereta semalam. Driving thru the roads. At night. It's cold and I love the street lights. Kau di sebelah aku dan bila aku pandang kau, Kau mencintai aku dan mata kau pun meluahkannya Dan aku ingin kekal dalam putar masa itu Tangan aku dalam tangan kau Haba yang menenangkan aku 28 April  2016

Semalam keluar dari 6pm balik 12am. We walked from fucking Seksyen 2 to college. If you know UiTM Shah Alam, you know. Gila. Kan. And I love him. Hari ni keluar dari 6pm balik 12am juga. And I'm madly in love with him. Gila. Kan. 1am 28 April 2016