yup

Let's go to sleep Dgn harapan tabiat tidur lambat aku akan berubah

Aku mana ada hati

you're fire and i'm gasoline

I wanna be your "80% devil, 20% angel" girl

*baru habis final *catching up my breath hey, cuba dengar Birdy - Young Blood :)

now that i think of it aku rasa, maybe it's just that i don't belong to be at that one place in some people's lives. Not necessarily sebab aku not good enough. Maybe it's them. finally.

#Tay #Clean

called pah i feel i should cherish that moment of hearing that voice of her thru the phone that sweet voice of her  now that i just lost my atok from my mum's side  im scared of how i'll feel when it's time when i lost this one i only got left how will i cry how will i feel just a thought :)

''bangun tengahhari benci dengan hidup aku hari ni - aku fikir rasa nak gulung je diri dengan selimut bantal atas katil ni sampai malam- aku fikir rasa tak guna. rasa diri ni macam tin kosong. tak ada isi tak ada faedah. aku sedar aku kurang bersyukur. berjalan pergi kelas. serupa macam jasad ada roh tapi tak hidup. hitam dan putih, langsung tak ada warna. pucat. darah macam tak ada mengalir dalam tubuh. aku tahu aku tak ada matlamat hari ni. aku cuma nak go through kelas, dan kembali kepada katil tilam yang sayangkan aku. Sepanjang kelas hari ni, rasa macam invisible. aku yang act macam tu, juga berharap orang buat aku macam tu. aku malas nak senyum, nak cakap, whenever ada orang react dengan aku. tapi orang2 masih baik. depa gurau dengan aku, depa layan aku baik. aku benci ada kat tempat aku berada masa tu. aku memang x suka kelas tu. Aku fikir semua kelemahan aku, aku juga fikir apa aku kena buat Tapi aku tau aku fikir tu, cuma fikir semata-mata buka...

(tengah tak cukup nafas buat final year project)

Wow indeed. There was a time when we were at Snogurt today That I looked at you and truly, I think you're pretty. Your baju kurung, your fair skin, and clear skin. Your hair. aku dah bagi tahu banyak kali tapi kau sibuk pasal nak potong rambut kau tu. Then I suddenly thought (as we're gossiping about Haley getting married in Terengganu and everything), if I were to marry you, (lol), I'd be happy. I mean, you're okay. It's a random thought. and when I'm at it, I just smiled and look down as I wish if only you can hear my thoughts and understand it understand how can I think that way I mean, just how fine you are.

You draw me out,  with sweetness,  from my shell,  so you can kill me clean off.

5.42 am and you texted me saying you just had a really bad dream and I think that is important to be the person you think of when you got up from a bad dream at 6 am like, you rely on me. like, you'd hope for me to make you feel better and not scared anymore and I think that's the most important thing Like, I know where I stand.

:... :Ya :Aku takut. :Takut apa? :Aku takut.. aku takut aku buat salah.

and tonight i thought i hope i miraculously able to forget you

Can I just say one thing? I miss you.

feeling out of this world Semua benda macam tengah kemuncak Semua benda sama ada hitam atau putih atau maksud aku, jelas. senang. Senang aku buat pilihan. Aku kata je apa aku nak. Apa-apa pun jadi, pada akhirnya aku menang. Walaupun sebenarnya tak. Aku tengah jatuh. dan sebenarnya semuanya kelabu. Tapi sebab kau ada dengan aku Aku nampak sebaliknya. Kau ada, Aku rasa okay.

Baby  ya make me be whistling love songs

just saying  people are unbelievable Aku tak tahu kenapa orang behave the way they do, sometimes. People are weird and unbelievable. just saying

Tidur senja memang buat kau jadi gila Bila kau bangun and it's 9pm, kau rasa semua benda membebankan  dan kau tak cukup masa nak handle semua Selain rasa badan aku panas, aku juga benci dengan ''kemampuan'' aku untuk mimpi excessively. Aku rasa aku buang masa dalam tidur sebab semuanya akan spent jadi mimpi yang kemudian resulting in making me confused yang mana satu ''scene'' I had in dream and mana satu daripada kehidupan aku. They get all mixed up. Buat aku bertambah blur bila bangun. Sometimes aku rasa unfortunate. Aku juga rasa aku macam satu manusia yang tak tidur or at least, tak pernah betul-betul  tidur.

it's about nights like this hey, life is about nights like this. nights worth skipping sleep for it's about living in those moment  moment yang kau rasa nafas kau terbang daripada jasad dan kau rasa tak mahu matahari muncul kau nak malam sebegini go on and on sampai kau ready untuk jumpa siang iaitu, macam tak akan. It's this movie. I fell in love with it. It's called If I Stay. Then it's him. We texted and it felt like we just poured our hearts into our conversation as if we see eye to eye as if he's right in front of me I feel like I'm taken to another place. Tonight. nothing really matters anymore-it felt it's just me and that movie and him and the texts and my sweater and pillow It's the whole conversation for 40 minutes, solid, I love every second of it. the silence. all of it. and the wind. it's so cold sampai buat aku rasa macam aku tengah dalam movie  ecey i love your voice sungguh  bermakna untuk dengar kau ca...

Today is about me.  It's about avoiding people, about staring into space,  about not telling him what's wrong,  about doesn't want to be a choice to anyone,  about letting myself to look as spacey as I am on the inside. It's about all the things that crossed my mind,  all the things that are proven to be right. & about jealousy. About feeling in vain. About this back pain. About not liking people. About listening to people making excuses when I already know the truth. About being the second one. About being sick. About singing the song that means something to you,  to someone that means something to you.  & not getting any response. About breaking the promises I made. About menjauhkan diri. Sigh. About refusing to be as nice anymore.  About bursting out with anger. About refusing to tolerate. About keeping just one, or two, friends near. About being bad. About being alone - or not disturbed. About wanti...

Nice handwriting. Galaxies on my thigh. Making up after a fight. Putting the same song on repeat; non-stopping. Don't say that. You're not hideous. You're nice. Not going to class. I wanna stay in bed all day Cancelled lectures - Then comes. Long sharp nails. Scratched the skin below my ear Bruises, beautiful. Blue & purple & red Write a poem about you, sayang. Cried last night. 'cause kaki sakit. & it's cold. & you're not there. Your warmth I know a place Can we go? We can go together & you can take care of me all you want

It was raining outside, hard, masa benda tu berlaku. aku tak pernah imagine yang dia akan tahu perkara tu malam ni Aku tak pernah imagine dia akan tahu, sekurangnya, bukan secepat ni. It was raining outside, hard, masa dia tanya aku betul ke tak apa yang dia teka. suara aku tiba-tiba tak reti jadi suara tiba-tiba cease to exist dan akhirnya aku pun mengaku  ya betul. mestilah, ini realiti.  aku tak dapat happy ending tapi dengan tidak perlu lagi rahsiakan apa aku sering sorokkan macam satu rasa ringan pula  lagipun kami berjanji akan kawan macam biasa aku kata, tak, taknak, aku nak kita kawan sama macam hari ni after saying sorry beribu kali for letting what happened happen, dia setuju.  aku just lega aku tak hilang kawan aku. aku just lega dia tahu perasaan aku. Aku just happy aku tak hilang kawan aku.

6:22 am 9th January 2014 "aku agak pasal perasaan"  "Oh  perasaan apa?" "perasaan suka?  aku teka je.."

is it just me or everyone else pun selalu type "tah pape" be "tah papae"?

"Sepanjang hari ni, aku fikir pasal curang. Bukan pasal  lelaki milik aku yang curang.  Tapi aku yang jadi perempuan  yang buat orang curang.  T api aku fikir pula, macam mana  kalau perempuan lelaki tu yang tak sayang lelaki tu.  Sampai lelaki tu seek peneman in other girl,  And kau pula tak boleh halang daripada terjatuh." 27 DEC

satu malam yang panjang satu malam yang susah susah gila aku ingat aku takkan bangun dah pagi ni